Black Girl Unicorn

Publicly Black Since '83

Safe Sexcapades

Trojans are trash. Not USC athletes, the condoms.

Lifestyles, NYC condoms and whatever else is out there that's dry, thick and gross are all trash.

And I wouldn't be so annoyed with these brands if my preferred brand of prophylactic wasn't so hard to find and so damned expensive.

I must've been to every pharmacy in Brooklyn looking for Kimono Condoms. In case you are unfamiliar, Kimonos are the worlds most reliable condom. They are also hella thin and perfectly lubed. I came across them when I worked in the health education office in college and have been a fan since. And it was super easy to acquire them in college because I got my school to purchase and give them out for free. Yes I know I'm a shero.

Anyhoo, since leaving college I know exactly where I can start my search for Kimonos: any gayborhood. Praise Teen Gay Jesus for gay neighborhoods in major cities. Your local Walgreens has a trash selection of condoms and lubes. But walk into all sorts of businesses in gayborhoods across the world and you will find Kimonos, and all sorts of other fun, safe and sexy sh!t.

So that's what I did. I parked my car on Christopher St. (heart of 1 of NYC's gayborhoods) and after two pharmacies failed me I walked over to my fave sex shop where I found a wide selection of Kimonos.

In short, thank goodness for Gay men, and their safer sex habits. 👍🏽


Girls Trip: Power of Girlfriends on Full Display

I spent last night cracking up at the cinema watching Girls Trip, the funniest movie I've seen in YEARS.

Everything you heard about the film is true, it is wonderful, and is a perfect vehicle to introduce most movie fans to the fantastically funny and brilliant
Tiffany Haddish. I cannot say enough about my fellow #BlackGirlUnicorn Tiffany Haddish, who I have loved for YEARS and am so glad to see her getting her shine. #SheReady

It was really Haddish's role as Dina that holds the film together and connected with me most. Primarily because she keeps shit real and always is looking out for her girls.

Dina made me grateful and feel #Blessed as I watched the movie with my very first friend, who used to get me in so much trouble, but taught me to be proud of being a weirdo. Dina made me miss my homie Blacktress who is kicking ass in the comedy game and reminded me of who I am every time LA tried to break me. And she made me think of my main gay who got me all the way together when I was waffling on a dude I'm seeing. And my favorite Dominicana who keeps me outta my head and gives me permission to have and be fun.

Everyone needs a Dina in their life. A friend who loves you no matter what, is always ready to kick some arse, and is ten thousand tons of fun. If you are lucky, like me, all of your friends will have a little bit of Dina.

Cheers to the girlfriends: the friends who keep you together when the rest of the world is bent on dimming your shine. 🙌🏾

Brooklyn Sh!t

I'm protective of my borough. Whenever folks describe something as "so Brooklyn" it's usually some weird sh!t done in Williamsburg by gentrifiers from Ohio. That ain't Brooklyn Sh!t, it's weirdos from Ohio! 

Brooklynites are unique. We are trendsetters. We honor the strange within ourselves and each other. And this attracts transplants from podunk towns where nothing of interest happens.

So I get it. I understand the seductive power of my borough. But don't misclassify outlandish ish cuz you transplants don't understand it.

Ok end of rant. Off to frolic and enjoy the wonder that is BROOKLYN.

Fat Girl Running

It's been over a year since I started my #DamnTheManWorkouts and I've made amazing progress. But that's not what I wanna share.

What I wanna share is the support I get from my fellow runners. No one is more supportive of a fat girl running than advanced runners on the jogging path.

Each morning that I drag my arse out to run, there are always at least five other runners who give me a head nod of encouragement, a thumbs up or a smile. I've even gotten high fives!

Being the fat girl among the other runners, I stand out. The majority of runners are super fit and glide down the path. It can be hella intimidating to run or walk on the same path as them. Which is why it's so awesome how supportive they are.

I started this journey a year ago alone. And I still prefer to run alone. Yet as I prepare for my first race, I'm glad to see my fellow runners cheering me on.

On Gratitude 

As the clouds gathered this afternoon I could see the storm progressing from my office window. Then the thunder came and I remembered that I ran out the house this morning without my umbrella. 

Here’s the thing: I lived in Southern California for many years, at the height of the drought, so remembering to bring an umbrella with me wherever I go is a habit I haven’t quite adapted yet. By the time I left for work I had resigned myself to being sopping wet on my commute home. 

And just as I was about to throw myself into the downpour a woman comes to me and asks “Are you going to the train? Do you want to share my umbrella?”

Y’all. YALL!!!!!

This angel appeared just when I needed a hand. And we ran across the street and into the subway with minimal dampness. 

I’m super grateful for her and all of those who know me who lend a helping hand during my times of need. 

Focused on Kindness 

My morning commute was beautiful. The express train was experiencing delays, which meant that when it arrived it was already packed. I got on and at the next stop someone got off leaving an empty seat behind. The brother closest to the seat offered it to me, so I sat down. 

While jamming to my Rihanna playlist, I noticed an elderly doña get on the train, so I passed on the kindness and gave her my seat. GUESS WHAT?! 

At the very next stop someone else got off and this other dude offered me the new available seat!

New Yorkers get a bad rap for our rudeness.  And as I always say, we aren’t rude, we are simply focused on our business. And it hasn’t only been my fellow commuters showing me kindness. 

Yesterday as I was dozing off at work I decided to head down to the Starbucks and get a giant black tea. My barista and I had a loverly chat about Bruno Mars and then when my drink was ready, the other barista told me “I hope you have the safest NY day!” 

The world is nutzo right now. This week has seen a few months worth of tragedy and scandal. For this young man to wish me safety was such a wonderful source of light in my day. 

So as the world is crazy, and we each are dealing with our own struggles it has been a true blessing for me to have these beautiful gestures of kindness to allow me to keep moving #onward. 
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No I will not Boycott the NFL For Kaep

There is no sport I love more than football. So the likelihood that I’m gonna stop watching games next season because Colin Kaepernick is seemingly blacklisted by all 32 teams in the NFL is not gonna happen. 

If you’ve read through much of this blog you likely understand that there are very few things that I truly enjoy. Football is on that list. And it’s not like I’m blind to all of the fucked up shit that comes with loving football. 

For one, the NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell, is a power hungry asshat of the highest order. Each game there is the very real possibility that a concussed player can die on the field in the middle of the game. There is a total and complete lack of understanding that women are people who deserve to be paid (cheerleaders) and should not be abused (Josh Brown).  There’s also the draconian policy toward marijuana.  I could go on. 

With all of this, football season is the happiest time of my year. My attraction to sport has always been the ways in which sports act as a microcosm of the rest of the world. That includes what is going on with Kaep. 

So yes I will continue watching football. Not only because I love football, also because boycotting is shortsighted.  You wanna raise some funds for a collusion suit? I can make some time to hear the logic behind that. 

But a boycott? No.  I still plan on running my Ladies’ First fantasy league. And I’m still going to continue saving my money for Sunday Ticket. Shit, I watched all seven rounds of the NFL Draft! It’s too late for me to boycott. 

And you are free to judge me. Just know that everyone (that includes you) has something they love that is contradictory to their professed politics. 

This is life. It’s complicated. And football is a beautiful game. 

Land of the Free?

The summer after my sophomore year of college I rode the train to Meridian, MS. I LOVE train rides, way more than someone who grew up riding the subway should. Anyhoo, one of the clearest memories of my time in Meridian was the very explicit presence of prison labor, what I call slavery.*

Fixing roads, cleaning train stations, those orange jumpsuits on Black bodies were all over contributing valuable municipal services in marked anonymity, watched over by visibly armed guards,  without meaningful compensation. 

So when Hillary Clinton wrote that inmates, read: slaves, cleaning the Arkansas governor’s mansion was tradition, I get that. I’ve seen the ways states and municipalities “keep down costs” by using slaves to perform essential public functions. It happens very visibly in the South, and is more concealed in the places I’ve lived. 

This isn’t to say HRC is evil. This is to say the system is. And it helps me make a broader point about systems:  Systems are not out there existing in the ether. They are made up of people, and strengthened or weakened by the decisions we ALL make. 

Example: many states across the country collect little or no state income tax. How do things get done in those states without those funds? Just think on it. 

Another Example: Pension funds  invest in highly profitable companies, which include private prison companies. Not just private prisons,  but health service corporations, telecom corporations etc. 

Yea our daily lives are all wrapped up in this systemic travesty. Some more than others, I mean I clean my own house. Not to act holier than Hill but I made my own breakfast this morning. 

I do take issue with her evident fear of the inmates though. Throwing in her experience representing criminal defendants to make her racialized (maybe I’m reading too much into this, but whatevs) fear of these people who ran her household seem less cringeworthy,  does not sit well with me. And that is my main problem with the statement: her perception of those men (maybe women?) comes across much like a first hand account of Miss Ann describing her slaves. 

And maybe that is the heart of my problem with Hillary, she tries so damn hard to come off as some type of liberal demigoddess when she is as contradictory and offensive as those she so vehemently claims to detest.  Like accept your flaws lady!  Sheesh. 

And in conclusion, how free are we really when this country and we as citizens and residents rely so much upon the forced labor of the presently enslaved? 

*The 13th amendment abolished slavery except as punishment for a crime so… its slavery. 

Everyone Calm Your Tits

My morning procrastinating on the Twitta was ruined because everyone  was watching & live tweeting the Comey Hearing. I was so mad I actually did work. 

I get it, Toupe Fiasco fired Comey because, as Comey alleges, he wouldn’t stop investigating Trumpito’s ties with Russia. Trumpito is cray. Russia is also cray.  Like, cray + cray = bad news. 

But I wasn’t gonna waste my time on no senate hearing, cuz NOTHING HE SAYS MATTERS! 

The evidence alone will not impeach then kick out of office 45*.  Every week something illegal breaks, and the repubs just cover their eyes & ears like schtupid monkeys. 

Let me be clear, we’ve moved beyond a question of whether illegal acts were carried out by the executive branch. If we take Comey’s statement at face value, evidence of illegality is there. The issue is who will enforce the law, who will enforce the Constitution? 

So until there is a real likelihood of enforcement as far as I’m concerned we should all just keep our tits calm. 

*Impeachment is just a formal investigatory process. For those that remember Bubba’s impeachment he kept right on working right through it. 

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