Black Girl Unicorn

Publicly Black Since '83

Progressive Christianity? Ashé to That!

I’ve been to many galas, fancy fundraisers for all sorts of events. If someone told me that the most progressively radical and inclusive gala I would attend would be raising money for a Christian seminary I would’ve laughed with great force. But that just happened.

It’s taken me many years to grow comfortable with attending galas, but now I really enjoy them. I’ve mastered polite cocktail conversation, and know enough about current events to engage in a topical way on most issues. But tonight I was moved.

All of the honorees were women of color. The vast majority of the speakers were people of color. And everyone spoke passionately about their faith in the context of equity and justice for all. Yes even for women and gay folks!

One of the honorees quoted Alice Walker on womanism!

Man if I had my checkbook they woulda had all my coins!

It’s not that I don’t know that progressive Christians exist, I have a friend who is super progressive and way Christian. It’s that I thought there were only 4 more of her. I mean I don’t know, on the tv Christians are always tryna tell me what I can do with my body but tonight I felt the spirit of Black Jesus!

Anyhoo, with all the madness going on in the world I am way glad to have spent an evening with people of faith who honor the humanity in us all, no matter who we are.

Let the Church Say Ashé!

Featured Image by Miko Stavrev.


This is not an Ad: Cults the Podcast

OMG I just binged the most fascinating podcast: Cults.

As someone who was raised in a cult, my fascination with them is sorta weird. I think it’s mostly because I’m still working out what it means to have survived cult life, while also having grown into an anti-authoritarian, trust no one ever bad arse. Whatever it is, Cults the Podcast is filling the void.

Yes they have the standard cults, Waco and Jonestown, but they also have mad random ish that I never heard of. The best part is I can identify with the mind control/ life control manipulative ish that the cult dudes do, cuz I’ve been there.

Like I couldn’t eat anything for most of my life! The first time I had cow’s milk I was 20 years old. As a kid my dream was to live in “the real world” where I could have freedom of movement and thoughts. To this day I’ve never had Koolaid. Although that may be a good thing considering. #DontDrinkTheKoolaid

Sometimes the hosts miss the mark on their analysis, like when trying to analyze social movements they don’t understand. For the most part they analyze cults with a very critical eye, a dose of pop psychology, and compassion for those who are abused by charlatans.

Just go listen. Don’t listen when there are young children around. And make sure you encourage your family and friends to trust their own instincts and not look to external sources for validation.

Be safe.

*Featured Image by John Frum.

Don’t Talk About My Friend Like That!

I’m a misanthrope with as many self esteem issues as the next person, and yet it still really grinds my gears when my friends negatively talk about themselves.

Like I get it, we’re women and we were raised to not be too confident so as not to raise the ire of the mediocre men we are guaranteed to meet, date, and possibly marry. I get it, but also, fuck those mediocre men.

I have the most amazing group of friends (I’m serious my friends are WAY better than yours), and every now and again they will say some damned lie about how they aren’t as amazing and fantabulous as they truly are. I just wanna yell at them: STOP TALKING ABOUT MY FRIEND LIKE THAT!

It bothers me cuz I can see them, and they are the greatest! So I’ve resolved to start making them say a positive thing about themselves after they tell some negative lie about themselves. And I welcome them to be as kind and gentle with me.

I know that no one is perfect, but a healthy dose of reality helps when looking inward.

Go forth and be MAGNIFICENT!

Issa Mood: Not Today Colonizer

Something came over me. It was like the spirit of Rosa Parks & Fannie Lou Hamer came over me. Their spirits wouldn’t allow me to listen to the lies of the colonizer on the conference call. Yes I snapped on a conference call.

For the most part, I enjoy my work. I’ve never worked anywhere where I respect the leadership as much as I do. I’ve learned a lot and been entrusted with greater responsibility. Sometimes though I run into bullshite and that’s always interesting.

My background is in the law, so let’s just say I may be prone to have more information about the projects I work on than the average bear. That means I know all the business, so when I ask you a question, I generally already know the answer.

And that’s what happened. I was asking super basic questions, like WAY BASIC, and the colonizer was just lying. No one else on the conference call was holding the colonizer accountable, and seeing as how I had work to do I figured I would move this along, so I kept going. At a certain point the colonizer got scurred and HUNG UP THE PHONE!

I mean I was just asking questions, that’s all. Well I was also physically putting together the evidence that the colonizer was lying into a memo, but the colonizer didn’t know that.

So that was Monday. I’m just glad I didn’t start barking on the phone like I was from Jabariland 😜.


Featured Image by Steven Depolo

SHE’S BLACK!: Magic At The Movies

There is nothing like sitting in a darkened theater on the opening weekend of a major motion picture and seeing someone magical on the screen who looks like you. When you are an 8 year old Black girl, the feeling must be incredible.

I took my 8 year old niece to see Wrinkle In Time today and as soon as Mrs. Which, played by Oprah Winfrey, came on screen she shouted out “SHE’S BLACK!” and squeezed my hand. I got misty eyed because I know that feeling.

I was a little Black girl in the late 80s and early 90s, and I wish I had it as good as these 21st century Black girls with their Black First Lady and Doc McStuffins. Shit they even have a Black Disney Princess! I could only dream of looking around the world and seeing myself reflected back like this.

Wrinkle in Time is stunning. There is something about how Ava shoots a scene that really grabs my attention. She truly understands how to make the imagery part of the story. It was gripping and given space to shine apart from the dialogue. She did a great job.

And even if she hadn’t, little Yayaa seeing herself in Mrs. Which made the entire experience worth it.

I was Raised in a Cult So I know Anyone & Everyone is Capable of Despicable Acts

So true story, I was raised in a Black nationalist polygamist cult. But that’s not the point of this post.

This post is about how people are trash. Men in particular are trash. Women are also trash, especially those women who use their trashness to get chose by trash men. Anyone regardless of gender identity can be trash. That was my grand takeaway from being raised in a cult.*

And yes even your favorite celebrity. Exhibit A:

A fifth woman, who spoke on condition of anonymity to protect her family’s privacy because she has not been publicly linked to the incident with Louis C.K., also has disturbing memories about an incident with the comedian. In the late ’90s, she was working in production at “The Chris Rock Show” when Louis C.K., a writer and producer there, repeatedly asked her to watch him masturbate, she said. She was in her early 20s and went along with his request, but later questioned his behavior.”

This takedown isn’t just of CK, but everyone in his circle, like Chris Rock who had a show on HBO where one of his staff members masturbated in front of a young woman!

But on One Mississippi, Tig Notaro’s wonderful show on Amazon Prime, she wrote a storyline into the show to shame CK and HE EXECUTIVE PRODUCED HER SHOW!

In the new season of Tig Notaro’s Amazon series, “One Mississippi,” a progressive radio station programmer dogged by rumors of sexual misconduct invites a female employee to his office for a meeting, where he masturbates behind the desk while she talks.

If this scene evokes internet rumors about Louis C.K. — an executive producer of “One Mississippi” — it’s because a recent interview with Ms. Notaro encourages that reading. She said that he now has nothing to do with the series and that he “should handle” the accusations, which had been reported by Gawker and singled out by Roseanne Barr.

Tig is my shero (Side note: I saw her a few weeks ago and I audibly gasped. I kept it together though cuz I was with fancy people who don’t fangirl out at the sight of their sheroes). She acted remarkably and we should all take her lead.

This isn’t about celebrity though. I started this by saying I know people are trash because I experienced their trashness being raised in a cult. We all reproduce similar power dynamics in our own circles that leave some vulnerable. And as I live my life, intentionally seeking to unlearn behaviors that were rewarded from my cult life, I pay close attention to power structures that sacrifice vulnerable people to the whims of those with power. And hopefully each day I get better at being safe for those I encounter who are being victimized. And i get more and more like Tig, calling muthafuckas OUT!

*The other takeaway is that if you are anywhere and diversity of thought is not encouraged RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Everything May Not Be Fine

Every once in a while a stress filled mom-post will find its way to my Facebook feed. You know the ones that are trying to vent but the mom posting will spin it so the frustration is secondary to how much she “loves motherhood.” Every time I see those mom-posts my heart breaks because I wish we lived in a world where moms could just say ‘this sucks right now.’

8 years ago my first friend had a baby. In the beginning every time I talked to her I was inspired by her bare honesty. I would call to check in on her and she would say something like “I’m exhausted and this baby won’t let me sleep.” I waited for her to add “but I love being a mother,” or some other way to spin her stress. It never came.

As a child free woman I appreciated that my friend didn’t spin her struggles with a new baby. The stress of motherhood is one of the reasons I choose not to have kids. It’s one of the reasons I take my friends’ kids for adventures, cuz mothering is hella hard and mothers need breaks.

And mothers should be allowed the space to be honest.

I was glad to give my friend the space to vent her frustrations and stresses. Everything wasn’t fine, and instead of pretending, my homie just kept it real. She continued to keep it real as her baby grew into perchance one of the coolest 8 year olds ever in life.*

I will never know what it’s like to push a baby outta my butt then have it ruin my sleep cycle. And I don’t need to know in order to keep a judgment free space for my friends who are mothers to deal with it how they need to til they get to fine.

*I am biased, I’m his godmama. He is amazing though.

Fantasy Life Lessons: Week 1

Last Thursday night the MOST wonderful time of the year began: football season. Football season means one thing for me: it’s time to dominate in fantasy football.

Fantasy football is my FAVORITE. I love it, primarily for the competitive aspects, and every now and again the life lessons.

Week one brought me an important one: fantasy, like life, is about managing risks.

I took a risk this week and included players who played on Thursday night. In case you don’t watch football, Thursday night games are known for being terrible. And I’ve found that players often underperform.

But I had Brady on one team, Brandin Cooks on two others, and Gronk on one of the teams with Cooks. I trusted these dudes. I mean Baby Hands Brady is a one track mind POS. And the only track he has is winning. I made an exception for the start of the season, thinking well how bad could it be, the Pats are playing Alex “I Never Throw for more than 10 Yds” Smith?


And not just Brady all of the Pats underperformed. I watched the game in a state of rage and a likkle bit of wonder. Alex Smith was out there slangin’ the ball like he’s an elite QB (umm he is not). Brady was getting his arse handed to him.

And when your QB underperforms, so do his receivers. By Friday morning I had resigned myself to losing all of my matchups for week 1.

And here is the beauty of fantasy: I WON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY MATCHUPS!

I took a risk by playing folks on a Thursday night, I also shored up my teams with a defense that substantially over performed. Fantasy is not about star players it’s about a balanced team.

And as in fantasy so in life: having contingency plans to take up the slack when a risk falls apart ensures you keep winning. Also, I learned I gotta trust my preparation.

My fantasy sources are top notch, and my commitment to preparing for my matchups is not that different from how I prepared for the bar. While Baby Hands Brady & Co. tried to dim my week one shine, my preparation ensured I went out and KILLED THE COMPETITION!

So cheers to me! And cheers to a fantasy season that is looking mighty bright!


Soon Ja Du killed 15 year old Latasha Harlins not “white culture”.

I’m angry. I’m over this “my Asian parents are racist but it’s because they struggled in this country and just adopted its ideas” bullshit. No your parents are racist, full stop.

The idea that Asian immigrants first engage with & perpetuate white supremacy when they come to this country is laughable. The recent vicious attacks of African students in India disputes that lie.

Also you probably both harbor and act out your white supremacy on the daily, harming mostly Black and the more melanated Latinx folks with your white supremacy. Own that shit.

In case you haven’t figured it out I’m over being polite. If you can’t own your bullshit white supremacy, I don’t have time for you or your feelings. I had to talk to my 10 year old nephew about a cop telling a white woman that “we only kill Black people’s.” So fuck you and your anxieties about being mean to white folks, or explaining away the fucked up shit your parents do. Or pretending cuz you took a class in some social justice ish you are an ally. My nephew is terrified for his life. He is ten!

ONE CLASS AINT SHIT! I live this. Fuck you.

And yes yes, Asian folk are victimized by white supremacy, and part of the ways your are racialized grant you access to whiteness that enforces the devaluing of Black lives. Like when Soon Ja Du was convicted of murder and judge was like well let’s just give her probation. 😡

I get that with the Asian American posts on supporting Black folks in this present era of crisis is an attempt to be nice or whatever, but nice won’t get us to freedom. It won’t get you to freedom. This ain’t about being nice, this is about what’s right. This is about my humanity. MY HUMANITY IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE.

Until the conversation is about how our liberation is bound up with each other, just say nothing. K? Thanks.

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