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Black Girl Unicorn

Publicly Black Since '83

I was Raised in a Cult So I know Anyone & Everyone is Capable of Despicable Acts

So true story, I was raised in a Black nationalist polygamist cult. But that’s not the point of this post.

This post is about how people are trash. Men in particular are trash. Women are also trash, especially those women who use their trashness to get chose by trash men. Anyone regardless of gender identity can be trash. That was my grand takeaway from being raised in a cult.*

And yes even your favorite celebrity. Exhibit A:

A fifth woman, who spoke on condition of anonymity to protect her family’s privacy because she has not been publicly linked to the incident with Louis C.K., also has disturbing memories about an incident with the comedian. In the late ’90s, she was working in production at “The Chris Rock Show” when Louis C.K., a writer and producer there, repeatedly asked her to watch him masturbate, she said. She was in her early 20s and went along with his request, but later questioned his behavior.”

This takedown isn’t just of CK, but everyone in his circle, like Chris Rock who had a show on HBO where one of his staff members masturbated in front of a young woman!

But on One Mississippi, Tig Notaro’s wonderful show on Amazon Prime, she wrote a storyline into the show to shame CK and HE EXECUTIVE PRODUCED HER SHOW!

In the new season of Tig Notaro’s Amazon series, “One Mississippi,” a progressive radio station programmer dogged by rumors of sexual misconduct invites a female employee to his office for a meeting, where he masturbates behind the desk while she talks.

If this scene evokes internet rumors about Louis C.K. — an executive producer of “One Mississippi” — it’s because a recent interview with Ms. Notaro encourages that reading. She said that he now has nothing to do with the series and that he “should handle” the accusations, which had been reported by Gawker and singled out by Roseanne Barr.

Tig is my shero (Side note: I saw her a few weeks ago and I audibly gasped. I kept it together though cuz I was with fancy people who don’t fangirl out at the sight of their sheroes). She acted remarkably and we should all take her lead.

This isn’t about celebrity though. I started this by saying I know people are trash because I experienced their trashness being raised in a cult. We all reproduce similar power dynamics in our own circles that leave some vulnerable. And as I live my life, intentionally seeking to unlearn behaviors that were rewarded from my cult life, I pay close attention to power structures that sacrifice vulnerable people to the whims of those with power. And hopefully each day I get better at being safe for those I encounter who are being victimized. And i get more and more like Tig, calling muthafuckas OUT!

*The other takeaway is that if you are anywhere and diversity of thought is not encouraged RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

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Everything May Not Be Fine

Every once in a while a stress filled mom-post will find its way to my Facebook feed. You know the ones that are trying to vent but the mom posting will spin it so the frustration is secondary to how much she “loves motherhood.” Every time I see those mom-posts my heart breaks because I wish we lived in a world where moms could just say ‘this sucks right now.’

8 years ago my first friend had a baby. In the beginning every time I talked to her I was inspired by her bare honesty. I would call to check in on her and she would say something like “I’m exhausted and this baby won’t let me sleep.” I waited for her to add “but I love being a mother,” or some other way to spin her stress. It never came.

As a child free woman I appreciated that my friend didn’t spin her struggles with a new baby. The stress of motherhood is one of the reasons I choose not to have kids. It’s one of the reasons I take my friends’ kids for adventures, cuz mothering is hella hard and mothers need breaks.

And mothers should be allowed the space to be honest.

I was glad to give my friend the space to vent her frustrations and stresses. Everything wasn’t fine, and instead of pretending, my homie just kept it real. She continued to keep it real as her baby grew into perchance one of the coolest 8 year olds ever in life.*

I will never know what it’s like to push a baby outta my butt then have it ruin my sleep cycle. And I don’t need to know in order to keep a judgment free space for my friends who are mothers to deal with it how they need to til they get to fine.

*I am biased, I’m his godmama. He is amazing though.

Fantasy Life Lessons: Week 1

Last Thursday night the MOST wonderful time of the year began: football season. Football season means one thing for me: it’s time to dominate in fantasy football.

Fantasy football is my FAVORITE. I love it, primarily for the competitive aspects, and every now and again the life lessons.

Week one brought me an important one: fantasy, like life, is about managing risks.

I took a risk this week and included players who played on Thursday night. In case you don’t watch football, Thursday night games are known for being terrible. And I’ve found that players often underperform.

But I had Brady on one team, Brandin Cooks on two others, and Gronk on one of the teams with Cooks. I trusted these dudes. I mean Baby Hands Brady is a one track mind POS. And the only track he has is winning. I made an exception for the start of the season, thinking well how bad could it be, the Pats are playing Alex “I Never Throw for more than 10 Yds” Smith?

TOM BRADY DID NOT THROW FOR A SINGLE TOUCHDOWN ALL GAME! 😡

And not just Brady all of the Pats underperformed. I watched the game in a state of rage and a likkle bit of wonder. Alex Smith was out there slangin’ the ball like he’s an elite QB (umm he is not). Brady was getting his arse handed to him.

And when your QB underperforms, so do his receivers. By Friday morning I had resigned myself to losing all of my matchups for week 1.

And here is the beauty of fantasy: I WON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY MATCHUPS!

I took a risk by playing folks on a Thursday night, I also shored up my teams with a defense that substantially over performed. Fantasy is not about star players it’s about a balanced team.

And as in fantasy so in life: having contingency plans to take up the slack when a risk falls apart ensures you keep winning. Also, I learned I gotta trust my preparation.

My fantasy sources are top notch, and my commitment to preparing for my matchups is not that different from how I prepared for the bar. While Baby Hands Brady & Co. tried to dim my week one shine, my preparation ensured I went out and KILLED THE COMPETITION!

So cheers to me! And cheers to a fantasy season that is looking mighty bright!

GTFOH!

Soon Ja Du killed 15 year old Latasha Harlins not “white culture”.

I’m angry. I’m over this “my Asian parents are racist but it’s because they struggled in this country and just adopted its ideas” bullshit. No your parents are racist, full stop.

The idea that Asian immigrants first engage with & perpetuate white supremacy when they come to this country is laughable. The recent vicious attacks of African students in India disputes that lie.

Also you probably both harbor and act out your white supremacy on the daily, harming mostly Black and the more melanated Latinx folks with your white supremacy. Own that shit.

In case you haven’t figured it out I’m over being polite. If you can’t own your bullshit white supremacy, I don’t have time for you or your feelings. I had to talk to my 10 year old nephew about a cop telling a white woman that “we only kill Black people’s.” So fuck you and your anxieties about being mean to white folks, or explaining away the fucked up shit your parents do. Or pretending cuz you took a class in some social justice ish you are an ally. My nephew is terrified for his life. He is ten!

ONE CLASS AINT SHIT! I live this. Fuck you.

And yes yes, Asian folk are victimized by white supremacy, and part of the ways your are racialized grant you access to whiteness that enforces the devaluing of Black lives. Like when Soon Ja Du was convicted of murder and judge was like well let’s just give her probation. 😡

I get that with the Asian American posts on supporting Black folks in this present era of crisis is an attempt to be nice or whatever, but nice won’t get us to freedom. It won’t get you to freedom. This ain’t about being nice, this is about what’s right. This is about my humanity. MY HUMANITY IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE.

Until the conversation is about how our liberation is bound up with each other, just say nothing. K? Thanks.

Running As Resistance: Just Keep Going

I woke up one day last summer and just went for a walk.

It was around 6 in the morning and I had not slept at all. I spent a restless night feeling the tension of white supremacy in my body. I was angry and feeling helpless after the back to back murders of Alton Sterling & Philando Castille. My heart ached for their families. My heart ached for my people living with the reality that at any moment the state can snuff out our lives.

So I got up and out of my house. I put one foot in front of another and went walking for an hour. When I came home, I was able to sleep. I called my workout #DamnTheManWorkouts.

And over the last year I went from walking to running 2 miles every other day. I #RunAsResistance to remind myself that I am still here. It is an acknowledgment that despite all of the ways white supremacy terrorizes me and my people, I can engage in acts to honor and celebrate my body, my health, my humanity.

I didn’t always make every workout. Some days the endorphins weren’t as wonderful. Some days my playlist wasn’t poppin’ and I wanted to sit down and stop. Some days I did sit down and need motivation to get up and keep going.

And all of the ups and downs came in handy when I ran my first 5K. I arrived late to the #PercySutton5K and just had to hop on the trail and go. Then I hit a steep incline that continued for the first mile of the race.

Y’all, that hill was a bitch. I looked up at it and was ready to turn around and go back to the subway and GO HOME! But I put one foot in front of the other and marched up the hill. At a certain point I felt comfortable running again, and then I started running and soon I was at the 1mile marker!

And I was good until the end. Around 2.5 miles there is a steep decline, and I flew down it. My playlist was jamming and I was feeling good. Then I looked down the street and the finish line was SO far away.

Just as I was ready to start walking I saw my running mentor, and I kept going. Then I wanted to just sit down on the side of the road and catch my breath and saw someone else I knew. Then there were more runners who had finished who were cheering me on and I kept going.

As I approached the finish line I saw my family and I just booked it. And then it was done.

I wanted to stop running so many times. I wanted to lay down in the street and rest for most of the race and somehow I just kept going.

Persistence. Running taught me persistence. It’s not about perfection, it’s about persistence.

And now I’m ready for my next race!

Making It Work

I decided I was going to college when I was 4 years old. While the college I wanted to go to changed, I always knew I was going to college.

Getting to college was a big deal, and I was well prepared for it having attended one of the best public high schools in the nation. For the girls of the Baltimore Young Women’s Leadership School (BYWLS) their journey, as depicted in the film STEP, was epic.

The film follows three seniors who are the first in their families to go to college, and who are members of the first graduating class of BYWLS. They are also on the Lethal Ladies of BYWLS, the school’s step team.

Over the course of the film the viewer gets a snippet of the lives of 3 of the seniors. By the end of the film if you aren’t crying, you are made of stone. These young women face challenges and overcome!

All I kept thinking while watching this film is how rigged the system is. But most of all how dope the young women are.

I remember visiting my college after I was accepted and was the only person who attended public school. I remember meeting kids who went to fancy prep school, after fancy prep school and wondering if I was gonna be able to compete. But luckily I realized something: how dope I am. I wasn’t afforded all of their opportunities and yet there we all were. Using the limited resources I had, despite the challenges in my own life, I was there. In fact, that made me a cut above!

Like the famous adage of Tim Cook, these young women made it work. They fell down, they got back up again, & used what they had to get what they wanted: acceptance to college.

By the end of the movie I cried, because I know that struggle as a student AND as a former teacher. My oldest students are approaching their 30s (😱) and knowing where they were and what many of them have achieved despite their circumstances, gives me hope. I left feeling faithful knowing that so many of the youth dem, will just MAKE IT WORK!

How Sway?

No you being Asian is not why you are a white supremacist sympathizer arse. Take some PERSONAL responsibility for your bullshit and work on yourself!

I’m tired y’all. I am so very tired.

I’m tired of the surprise. I’m tired of the #notallwhitepeople, I’m tired of the lip service, I’m tired of the inaction. I’m tired.

I’m tired of the silent consent. I’m tired of polite conversation. I’m tired of people pretending that the dehumanization of me and mines is an opinion in a debate. I’m tired.

There aren’t two sides. My humanity is not up for debate. White supremacy is wrong. Full stop. End of story. That’s all she wrote.

I’m tired. Exhausted, and done.

So here is the new rule: you decide to treat white supremacy as some theoretical exercise as opposed to the most significant danger in my life and you will cease to exist in my realm.

You have been warned.

❤️✊🏾 #KeepLovingKeepFighting

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Gone Too Soon: The Carmichael Show

If you haven’t had the pleasure of watching the Carmichael Show, you missed out. After three brief seasons, the show has come to an end.

With an all star cast including Jerrod Carmichael, David Alan Grier, Lil Rel, Tiffany Haddish and the always phenomenal Loretta Divine, The Carmichael Show found the funny in the controversial and uncomfortable.

There was the episode about Bill Cosby that was brilliant. The episode about ni**a/ni**er was so beautifully complex that in 18 minutes it not only broke down most issues people bring up, it made me cry with laughter.

The Carmichael Show was art. Tiffany Haddish & Lil Rel were the Jack & Karen to Jerrod’s Will. The generational aspect of the debates provided by DAG & Divine as Jerrod’s parents truly depicted the complex contradictions of modern life. The show was simply wonderful.

Like Chappelle’s Show before it, The Carmichael Show was a brief brilliant light on the idiot box. Hopefully, with the help of Netflix (seasons 1&2 are currently on Netflix) the wonderful world of the Carmichael Show will live on to steam forever.

Love is an Action Word

After the white supremacist gathering in Charlottesville this past weekend, which ended in casualties of anti-racist protestors, lots of calls for love and peace are being echoed. It seems to me many are referencing a negative peace out of a desire for comfort. Also I am almost positive that most do not understand that love is a verb. It is something you do.

Every single day we in the margins support each other, protect each other, LOVE each other. We look out for each other, inform each other, grieve for each other, share joys with each other, LOVE each other. We build supportive community with each other, which is an outward expression of what LOVE looks like. It is what recognition looks like. It is what justice looks like.

Love is not simply a feeling it is a series of acts. And in the face of state protected white supremacy, it is imperative that LOVE be conveyed in powerful targeted ways to support us in the margins every single day.

Remember, your heart is a muscle as big as your fist: Keep Loving, Keep Fighting.

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